I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
