its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
