The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He felt like a one man threesome
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
