Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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