She announced her abortion via fbk
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
