if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
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Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
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i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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