I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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