I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
