I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
