I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
40s are totally the cure
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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