Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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