so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
