As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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