i wish peter jackson would direct porn
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
