im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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