Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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