I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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