Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
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I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
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I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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