Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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