I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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