I wish life had little blips of pornography
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
