And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
