lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The air was thick with penises
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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