Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
