and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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