The maid of honor just puked.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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