Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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