You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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