i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
