i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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