One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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