When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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