this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
