Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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