I think i peed on brittanys purse
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
