God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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