I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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