hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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