You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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