sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
