in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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