believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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