You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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