saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
