you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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