Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
