i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
