$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
