I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
