It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
