Kiss
Puke
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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