HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
