Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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