its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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