no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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