dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
