I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Fuck appropriateness.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
