i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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