Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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