I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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