Someone shit on the floor
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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