no, he came in my armpit
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
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