So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
