a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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