She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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