i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
