you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
