I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Randomize
