You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
