and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
