Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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