I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
