Welp...herpes.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
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sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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