i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
