So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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