if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
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I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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