Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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